We all want a strong, fulfilling couple, able to cross storms without breaking. Evolutionary psychology researchers have found that those who were able to forge a positive and lasting relationship met the following four characteristics.Flavia Mazelin Salvi
Everyone appreciates the "extremes" of the other
According to the well-known adage, "extremes attract each other". But what has forgotten to clarify the popular wisdom is that in general, with time, traits and behaviors so different from oneself if they seduced us at the time of the love encounter - become sources of conflict and causes of disruption. For example, the fantasy of your partner and your seriousness (or any other divergent points) continue to seduce you? They constitute the balance of your relationship? So your differences, as marked as they are, are one of the main positive markers of your relationship. On the other hand, if you have to take on yourself to support such behavior or trait of your partner, or if you reproach him regularly in one way or another, you may consider that it is a threat to the strength of your relationship It is up to you to approach the problem head-on and to find together an arrangement that allows a harmonious functioning of the relationship.
Your partner is warm and reliable
At first glance, these are not qualities likely to trigger a love-passion. But the test of time and everyday life, they are fundamental to the sustainability of a relationship of a fulfilling and evolving relationship. By warm, we must hear: attentive, affectionate, able to receive the emotions of others, to welcome them with empathy. By reliable: able to hold a commitment, to recognize his wrongs and his weaknesses without trying to make the hat to the other, to respect his part of the contract (defined by the couple) on the questions of fidelity, management of the finances and stewardship, but also on the education of children, not to mention the share of personal time that each has. These conditions may of course be subject to modifications and reassessment, but in all cases, the important thing is to put his actions in accordance with his words.
Your potential of "personal worth" is equivalent
Each one's charm, each one his domain of expression and success, each one his potential of seduction ... But it is better that they are equivalent on the duration to avoid that the one of the partners has the impression of being narcissistically devalued by the other, nor of being his guardian if he is in a position of weakness. Or, for the least advantage, to be in tow or in the shadow of the other.Dr. Alice Boyes cites the case of men and women who, having become famous, leave their partners to marry a famous person. These conclusions may seem cynical, but the studies of researchers in the psychology of evolution all go in the same direction: we need to feel equal, each playing in the same category, even if the domains are very different.
Your partner gives you a good picture of yourself
In fulfilling and long-lasting love relationships, our partner's self-image is more positive than the one we ask about us. This is called the "positive bias" in cognitive psychology. Not only our weaknesses and other minor flaws, physical and behavioral, are not pointed by the other, but they are as erased by his gaze which stops primarily on the good and the beautiful in itself. This loving, rewarding look can be cultivated. Through gratitude, by becoming more aware of the qualities of others, complimenting them, valuing their initiatives, showing them admiration and tenderness, and placing the relationship in a virtuous circle. Let's not forget that we respond very often to the labels we stick to. If it is positive, we will easily adhere to it and reinforce the positive outlook on ourselves and the other.
Source: 4 Clues that your relationship has long-term potential, Alice Boyes PH. D (Psychology today)
→ Test yourself!
Is your couple strong? A solid relationship is built on common values (trust, commitment, respect ...). It is they who consolidate over the days his pact of torque. On what basis does yours rest? Are they stable or flickering?