The desire for a child is not universal. Those who refuse it do not all have the same reasons. But they assume. Testimonials.Danièle Luc
"I do not want it!" A statement that still disturbs today, questions. Is not the desire for a child sacred, incontestable? However, the refusal of motherhood represents a trend in progression: 12% of women born in France in 1954 and 1955 have made the choice. The movement would be even clearer in Great Britain and the Netherlands: for the same age group, one in five women is in this case (Ed Desclee de Brouwer, 1996). Voluntary choice or desire prevented? For what reasons do these women turn their backs on what is considered their primary function for millennia? We investigated.
I prefer to devote myself to my career
Educated and brought up as their male classmates, women have taken their destiny into their own hands and are working. It is in this constraining context that a child should be raised. Martine Aubry, Minister of Employment, admits being limited to one child to devote herself to her political role. Nicole Notat, at the head of the CFDT, chose very early not to have any at all. For women who invest in their careers, the desire of a child capitulates in front of the time, the attention and the efforts that these dear little ones would demand to the detriment of their own commitments.
"My children, these are my works, says Pascaline, 32. My work has invaded my life and I can not see myself stopping to paint to give a baby bottle.It is not a child that I want to" go out " I would not have anything to give it to myself. "Creation is already a form of childbirth, austere, destabilizing, and exclusive, and I can not get lost elsewhere."
Muriel, 40, is less categorical. She owes her export management position in cosmetics to her mobility: six months a year abroad, most often in three different countries. "I could not lug around a child. the man who could have pushed me in. Have I really wanted to, I'm not sure, yet I love children, but ... "Barely enough time to dwell on this question A disturbing observation is needed: "I have seen too many galleys: the girlfriends desperately looking for nurseries and nannies, those planted there by their delightful spouse, going back to work to raise their offspring. irritated by my own bosses when one of us was pregnant, it's a hell to raise a child while working, we make it pay dearly to a woman. " For a result that leaves her skeptical: "My younger sister died of overdose at age 17.She always blamed my parents, teachers, for caring more about the children of others. "
Is this tragic event weighing heavily on the scales, or perceiving maternity as slavery? In any case, rational arguments have left Muriel with a desire for a dotted child.
Physically, maternity disgusts me
Motherhood is a physical test, it touches the woman in the depths of her being and transforms her This strange feeling of welcoming another body, of being subjected to a form of animal passivity, women rarely live without worries.Sometimes they do not support the sight of a future mother and are frightened by this invasion. The vocabulary of reference is also clear: pregnant means "prison", and the delivery is called "deliverance."
Béatrice, 48, has never wanted a child: "J I was a dancer up to 25 years old; a child meant to me to have a deformed body, a body unfit for dance. The very idea of bringing another being into me has always been unbearable to me. These bellies that swell, these steps weighed down, these nausea, these discomforts ... for me, it's Alien in gestation! And I prefer not to imagine what must be a childbirth: the suffering, this thing that comes out of itself when it decided it and that forces the passage, which tears ... And the woman remains there, submissive, abandoned to this force. She's just an instrument, a mammal. I had opened a restaurant with my first husband, whose children I picked up from a previous wedding on weekends. Ten years old, they were infernal; their behavior only reinforced my choice. I often wondered about this lack of desire to have children and, especially, about the physical disgust that I felt towards them. I do not like to take one in my arms. I can not seem to find that soft thing that dribbles and screams. And, most of the time, I am exasperated by the whole perverting side of this bondage of parenthood. "Did she find out why motherhood is a disaster scenario for her? I am an accident. A single girl, unwanted. My mother not only reminded me often, but she loved me from afar. It was not her thing, motherhood. "