Naked under his eyes, under his hands, we are vulnerable. Conscious, more than ever, of our necessarily imperfect body. And yet the loving gaze of the other has the power to make us accept, if not forget, what we like the least in us.Isabelle Yuhel
"I did not like my legs, which I thought were heavy and badly drawn," says 23-year-old Juliet, "I always hid them under pants." When I made love, I pretended that I I was chilly to be able to hide myself under the duvet to the waist, and then, one day, a man, with whom I had only a brief adventure, passionately kissed them by comparing them to marble columns. I have never forgotten her words and since then I have been much less obsessed with hiding them, I do not adore them, but I know we can love them. "
The desire to Would a being have the power to transform the vision that one has of one's own body? "The look that an individual takes on the person he wants reveals to him something about herself that she did not know. explains France Schott-Bilmann ( Need to dance , Odile Jacob, 2001), dance-therapist.When we want someone, we perceive in him a beauty invisible, a mystery that until then was not accessible to him. It is a liberating look that brings a supplement of life. "
A liberating energy
" I never feel as sure of my body as when I make love, "says Anne-Laure, 27 . I no longer have any weight or hip or waist circumference to evaluate in centimeters. I am no longer an image but a movement, a clay molded by the caresses of the other. Likewise, whatever the physical defects of my partner, I love him as he is because he gives me pleasure and that I give him. "This confidence found in his body during sexual intercourse did not probably not the power to transform radically and overnight the look that is laid on oneself, but it can come to dress old wounds.
"I became bald very young, says Yves, 34 years old. People were making fun of me and I was shy with women. I still managed to spend the night with the sister of a friend, very beautiful, whom I wanted for a long time. As we chatted after making love, she said to me while stroking my head: "I had never realized how your smooth skull accentuated the blackness of your eyes. You shave it on purpose? "I fell from the clouds. In an instant, what I had always experienced as a disability turned into an asset! "
Dare to give up
If the loving and desiring look of the other has the power to reconcile us with what we love the least in ourselves, we must add the chemical magic that operates in sexual intercourse."When we want someone, says Isabelle Filliozat ( The Year of Happiness , JC Lattès, 2001), psychotherapist, several physiological phenomena appear: our pupils dilate, we release sex hormones, pheromones , which act as excitants, the temperature of our body increases and our blood circulates more quickly.We relax and surrender ourselves to our sensations.And as it is our tensions that make us ugly, when the energy of desire takes hold from us, we embellish. "
Driven by desire, bodies are sublimated, imperfections are dissolved under the loving hands in the search for the only pleasure. But this state of grace seems hard to reach when the rejection of our body or parts of it is too intense. "Especially in a society like ours that puts such a focus on appearance at the expense of other qualities, insists Catherine Bensaïd ( I loves you life , Robert Laffont, 2000), psychoanalyst When the doubt about one's own person is too deeply rooted, that it goes back to fragilities born in the childhood, it is probably necessary to consider a therapeutic help to finally be able to accept oneself as one is. "